Verbal Communication Skills Strategies

How to enhance your verbal communication:

Characteristics of Verbal Communication:
- Language: Understanding some of the diverse ways we and others use language is important to how we communicate in many ways. Consider these characteristics when communicating with others
  - Symbolic: When we use items to items to represent other things. Words are our primary symbols for language, they represent people, objects and ideas. Words themselves don’t have inherent meaning which can complicate communication when faced with a word that symbolizes multiple objects.
    - Consider the many definitions and meanings that the word “love” symbolizes
  - Governed by Rules: Rules govern the meaning of words, the way we arrange words into phrases and sentences, and the order in which we exchange words with others during conversations. Competent communication requires understand and follow both of the following types of rules:
    - Constitutive rules (define word meaning): Which words represent which objects
    - Regulative rules: Govern how we use language when we verbally communicate
      - “The panda eats shoots and leaves.” VS. “The panda eats, shoots, and leaves.”
    - Flexible: As humans, we tend to bend the rules of language. Consider personal idioms in your own relationships:
      - Personal idioms: Words and phrases that have unique meaning to those in a close interpersonal relationship. So if you said this word or phrase to someone outside of your relationship, they would not know what it means. These are NOT slang terms that anyone in your cultural group would understand.
        
        Nicknames your friends and you make for each other.
      - Cultural: When communicating with others, remember how your audience is similar or different than you. Even in the United States, we have several different forms of verbal communication. Consider the many dialects you interact with:
        
        Dialects: When large groups of people share creative variations of language rules. Includes unique phrases, words, and pronunciations
        
        People tend to prefer their own dialects and make positive and negative stereotypes simply based on the way people talk.
        
        https://www.dialectsarchive.com/united-states-of-america
        
        Evolving: Language is continuously changing. We change the meaning of current words everyday and create new ones as well. Consider how these Oxford Dictionary’s Words of the Year (the word that best captures the “ethos, mood, or preoccupations” of a given year) reflect the evolution of language and culture:
        
        Oxford Word of the Year:
        
        2020: “Words of an Unprecedented Year” Report
        
        2019: “Climate Emergency”
        
        2018: “Toxic”
        
        2017: “Youthquake”
        
        2016: “Post-Truth”
        
        2015: 😂
        
        https://languages.oup.com/word-of-the-year/

Listening:
- Active Listening: includes conveying your attention to others by clearly and constructively responding through positive feedback, paraphrasing and clarifying.
  - Back-channel cues: Verbal and nonverbal behaviors, such as nodding and making comments that signal your paying attention and understand specific comments
  - Feedback: Verbal and nonverbal behaviors to communication attention and understanding WHILE others are talking
    - Effectively display positive feedback: Obvious, appropriate, clear by avoiding behaviors that might be mistaken as negative, quick – don’t wait to provide feedback
  - Paraphrasing and Clarifying: Saying things after your conversational partner has finished their part of the discussion. Keeps people from having miscommunication and slows down conflict.
    - Paraphrasing: summarizing others’ comments after they have finished always include paraphrasing with clarifying additional comments or questions (ex. “I’m sorry, could you explain that again. I’m not sure I understood you correctly.”)

Conflict Style Tactics:
- Collaborative Tactics* (Most Recommended):
  - Analytic Remarks:
    - 1)Descriptive statements. Non-evaluative statements about observable events related to conflict (ex. “I criticized you yesterday for getting angry about the laundry.”)
    - 2) Qualifying statements. Statements that explicitlyqualify the nature and extent of the conflict (ex. “Communicating is mainly a problem when we’re hungry.”)
    - 3) Soliciting Disclosure. Non-hostile questions about events related to conflict that cannot be observed (thoughts, feelings, intentions, motives, orpast history) (ex. “Hey, what were you thinking about yesterday when you said _______.”)
  - Conciliatory Remarks:
    - 1) Acceptance of responsibility. Statements thatattribute responsibility for conflict to self OR to both parties (ex. “I understand how my comments were hurtful to you.”)
    - 2) Acknowledgement of severity. Acknowledging gravity or importance of issue and the need to solve it (ex. “I recognize that this is a big problem, and we need to think carefully about how we can solve it.”)
  - Creative Remarks:
    - 1) Thinking outside the box. Comments that try togenerate new solutions that resolve the conflict (ex. “What if we went about this in a new way? OR What if we throw out both of our solutions and try again?”)
    - 2) Brainstorming. Encouraging statements to getparticipants to generate quantities of ideas without judgment (ex. “Let’s toss out as many ideas as we can to solve this problem; don’t worry if they are good ideas or not.”)
  - Compromising Tactics* (Recommended):
    - Analytic Remarks:
      - 1)Descriptive statements. Non-evaluative statements about observable events related to conflict (ex. “I get frustrated when you are not servicing your tables in a timely matter.”)
      - 2) Disclosive statements. Non-evaluative statementsabout events related to conflict which the partner cannot observe, such as feeling, thoughts, intentions, motivations, and past history(ex. “I had a really frustrating and long day yesterday. I haven’t told you how upset I get when I feel someone is mocking me.”)
      - 3) Soliciting Disclosure. Non-hostile questions about events related to conflict that cannot be observed (thoughts, feelings, intentions, motives, or past history) (ex. “What do you have to have to make this deal happen? What is frustrating you?”)
    - Negotiating Remarks:
      - 1) Statements that express a willingness to change, show flexibility, make concessions (ex. “I think I could work on that.”)
      - 2) Meeting halfway. Statements that express awillingness to give up something if the other person gives equally (ex. “What if I agree to put the kids in bed each night, and you agree to get them ready for school each morning?”)
      - 3) Compromise. Statements that indicate a willingness to cooperate. Typically compromising strategies are ones that create partial satisfaction. (ex. “Neither of us will be completely happy, but we’llboth get something.”)
      - 4) Temporary solutions. Statements that emphasize the here and now rather than permanent fixes (ex. “I know it isn’t a perfect solution, but it will work for right now.”)
    - Competitive Tactics:
      - Confrontative Remarks:
        
        1) Presumptive remarks. Statements that attributethoughts, feelings, motivations, or behaviors to the partner that the partner does not acknowledge (ex. “You know you do that on purpose.”)
        
        2) Statements in response to thepartner’s previous statements that imply personal antagonism toward the partner and/or the disagreement (ex. “You’re exaggerating. There is no way that is true. You don’t care how I feel.”)
        
        3) Hostile imperatives. Requests, demands, arguments, threats, or other prescriptivestatements that implicitly blame the partner and seek change in the partner’s behaviors (ex. “If you’re not willing to look for a new job, then don’t complain to me about it.”)
      - Accommodating Tactics:
        
        Analytic Remarks:
        
        1) Soliciting Criticism. Non-hostile questions soliciting criticism of oneself (ex. “Does it bother you when I show up late?”)
        
        2) Descriptive statements. Non-evaluative statements about observable events related to conflict (ex. “I yelled at you when I saw you flirting with that girl.”)
        
        Conciliatory Remarks:
        
        1) Statements that express a willingness to change, show flexibility, make concessions (ex. “I can get ready faster.”)
        
        2) Supportive remarks. Statements that refer tounderstanding, support, acceptance, positive regard for the partner, shared interests and goals (ex. “I can see why you would be upset.”)
        
        3) Playing down differences. Statements that try toalleviate the conflict by minimizing it. Emphasizing similarities for the other person’s sake (ex. “I don’t think we disagree that much. We are closer together on this than you might think.”)
        
        Avoidant Tactics:
        
        Denial and Equivocation:
        
        1) Implicit denial.Statements that imply denial byproviding a rationale for the denial, although the denial is not explicit (ex. “We’ve never had enough money to disagree over.” (in response to a question about disagreements over money))
        
        2) Evasive remarks. Failure to acknowledge or deny the presence of a conflict following a statement or inquiry about the conflict by a partner (ex. “I could see how other people might resent that, but I don’t know.”)
        
        Noncommittal Remarks:
        
        1) Noncommittal statements. Statements that neither affirm nor deny the presence of conflict (butare not evasive replies or topic shifts). (ex. “We’ve known each other so long; I can’t believe it.”)
        
        2) Abstract remarks. Abstract principles, generalizations, or hypothetical statements that aren’t evasive remarks. (ex. “All people get irritable sometimes.”)
        
        Irreverent Remarks:
        
        1)Friendly joking. Friendly joking or laughter (ex. “We need to either clean the house or torch it.” (said with a laugh or with friendly intonation))

(Adapted from UGA’s Communication Studies Department)

Filler Words: Filler words (ex. uh, um, like, so, you know, etc) are common both in public speaking and interpersonal conversations. It can be habitual to use them especially as you kickstart your public speaking skills or even in our casual everyday conversations. However, filler words can be distracting at times when overused or used inappropriately, and they ultimately can take away from the message you’re trying to convey. They can be helpful in guiding your verbal communication, but learning ways to minimize how often you use filler words will aid in your overall message delivery!
- Relax: We often use filler words when we’re feeling nervous. When preparing a speech or presentation, try practicing when you’re in a calm state.
- Practice: This leads us to the next important factor in minimizing filler words. Practicing your speech/presentation ahead of time can build up confidence and lower your use of filler words. Practicing your verbal communication can also be helpful before difficult interpersonal conversations where you wish to present yourself best such as preparing for conversations with a professor or with fellow group project members.
- Pause or Slow Down: Sometimes we use filler words when we’re trying to think of what to say or to transition to the next topic. An effective strategy instead would be to take a pause in speaking rather than saying a filler word. If you are using a script or notes for a speech/presentation, it might even be helpful to write down the word “pause” to remind yourself when talking. At times, it might feel silly to pause or leave space when talking, so another strategy would be to slow down. It is natural for us to speak at a faster pace than when we previously practiced, so try practicing slower than you would normally expect.

(Adapted by Institute of Public Speaking: https://www.instituteofpublicspeaking.com/10-ways-to-eliminate-filler-words/)